RIP Goofy

Yesterday morning one of my dogs died. It was my brother's dog, Goofy. He was such a special dog. Had lots of little quirks to him, and we all thought he'd outlive us all. He ate so much crap he shouldn't have: rocks, wood, plastic, razors, books, decks of cards, purse, Halloween costume, plastic liner of the shower and the cord of a plugged in fan twice.

He really was a special little dog. He didn't go in the kitchen for probably six or seven years. He was scared of the noise the ice maker made, the toaster, the oven, the timer.

He was very lovable, when you caught him in a good mood. He was afraid to bite you and we all experienced first hand.

Luckily I was home with him when he passed away. We think it was of a stroke, I don't think he was in pain. He wasn't crying and trust me if he was in pain he would have been crying. I was petting his head as he died.

I knew something was off with him from the first time I saw him yesterday, he was just off. I called my mom to let her know and she called my dad to come over. But 15 minutes later he died, and I was crying as I called my dad. My mom kept calling me to check up on me and I just started crying all over again.

Now it's just weird to be home and not have him prancing around. Rascal knows something is up. He seems sad. And when he goes in the front yard he stands by the gate waiting.

I'm now on the lookout for a new dog. I had told my mom that when one of my dogs died I'd get a new one relatively soon. And with Rascal being 14.5 years old I know that he doesn't have forever. So I just want to start the transition sooner rather than later.

Too much thinking

My bff is back from her honeymoon. We hung out for Betty night on Thursday and she gave me my souvenirs from Paris and Belgium. Have a Eiffel Tower shot glass to add to my growing collection. Belgium is apparently known for their lace (who knew?) besides chocolate, so she got me an apron with Belgian lace. I showed it to my mom and she was like this is an apron you never use. So I need to find some pretty hooks where I can hang up the aprons I can never wear (two because of they are white). My bff also brought me back some chocolate in the shape of male genitalia, so yea. She showed me what she bought for her brother, obviously female shaped chocolate. I think it's quite funny though. I have naughty chocolate in my room.

Lately I've felt like I was a grown up. I'm old enough to be the licensed driver in a car with a permit driver (crazy!). I don't know but I've felt like I've been in a somewhat good place in my life. I have a job (not a career obviously, but it works for now), I'm still chugging along with school, still having ideas for what my project could be.

But then talking to other people it's like I'm reverted back to high school. How many people do I know that are married, have children, and I'm just here. Obviously I don't want to be married right now, and children never but I don't know. What happens when I'm still chugging along and I have nothing to really show for it? I mean yea I sort of have a house, and I get a lot of input in the changes that are happening but besides that what do I have? Two dogs? A 16 year old car? I come home to an empty house and it makes me sad sometimes.

I know I'm just wound up now. I don't like when people tell me to relax because that's not helping me in anyway. My family is still dealing with a lot of things so really telling me to take a deep breath doesn't help us out. In time things will return to where they need to be but that is probably years from now.

And of course when I do try to do something fun, it doesn't end up happening. I think I'll just quit planning things so it doesn't fall on my shoulders to make sure things run smoothly.

I wish I could just go away, anywhere pretty much and just be. Just get away from all the responsibilities I have, making sure everyone is ok, making sure everything is running smoothly at work. I just try to let go and for once in my life act young. I've never acted my age. I was always the little 40 year old, never did anything wrong, didn't get in trouble at school (except for the time I kicked a boy in the shin, but he kicked me first). I just want to not worry about things, let loose and have fun. Don't think I could do it though, I'm always worrying about something.

Woot

School is done with for the quarter!

Word of advice never take a class about plant physics. That final was brutal. Like seriously. I'm glad we all kept the tears in.

Going to the zoo this weekend, yay. Spring break will probably consist of working, and doing stuff to the house, painting, hopefully my shower will be done (fingers crossed!).

Lot's of stuff to do in so little time.

Maybe during the spring quarter I'll be able to fly out and visit my brother on the east coast. Hit up Jamestown or D.C. or something like we had talked about before.

Why?

Why is that when it reaches the end of the quarter, my body likes to have no immune system? I've been sick off and on for a few weeks and last night it came back and I'm feeling it today. Really annoying.

I've been trying to find more soil papers that aren't crap but it seems like they all are. We didn't do a north-south slope, so that doesn't apply. We are in coastal sage scrub which sometime goes with the paper, but we didn't compare rainy season to dry so it's like oy what the hell can I use from the paper. I think I could slip in UCLA basketball is awesome and he'd be happy.

I'm also trying to study for my practical, I think I know Coleoptera, most of the Lepidoptera, some of the Hymenoptera and one of the Diptera at this point. Going to open lab (again) tomorrow to try to look at the stuff one last time before the practical on Tuesday afternoon.

Why is all this crap due at the same time? It's really annoying. Evil conspiracy by professors to make their students run ragged right before finals.

My BOT 499 gave me a nickname, Smirky...does it apply to me at all?

P.S. watching a show on BBC America, Should I Smoke Dope?

Whoops

I kind of stopped posting. Well stuff happens.

My living room is all painted! The baseboards are up, the doorway molding is up. Just need some flooring and crown molding. And then put some stuff up on the walls, and then I can do Wii Bowling Night! Yay.

It will happen...eventually. Hopefully sooner rather than later. We'll see though. I don't want to do it until the house is mostly done.

Ok got to be productive and actually do school work.